Deciding not to “see”…

Yesterday a dear client called to tell me how her predictions were panning out.  She has called frequently and has been very anxious about her situation.  As, I’ve said many times, the guides don’t always want us to know every single detail of life.  But, in her case, it was very clear that there would be a turning point by summers end.  She decided to disengage.  Just “be” and stop trying to “see”.  (OF COURSE) Things turned around just as she did that.  Really, about a week later…

When we talked, she said something that resonated with me: she said, “I am intuitive myself…” It occurred to me that many of my clients are just like me… Well, perhaps they wouldn’t be able to see a person’s hair color, region, and body character over the phone, but they do “sense” what is happening in their lives and they just call me for verification.

Like her, I have waited and hoped for a love to return, but unlike her, it took almost two years.  It was a period of my life that almost put me in the nut house.  Trust me when I tell you, I know the chord of connection between people; I know that a soul relationship doesn’t leave without closure – and even then, sometimes it lingers; I know that we come back together through the ions and recognize each other, and sort of pick up where we left off.  With that, however, I also know how difficult it is to disengage, put it on the shelf, or even in the trash, and let it (him or her) come back to you in divine timing.

Life is confusing; I’m thankful and honored to offer you guidance and the insight you need.

I’m always here for you,

Hope

This girl loves a rainbow…

The other day I shared some of the experiences that occurred with my mother with a friend.  I should point out that my “friend” is a reader that I trust and call often.  And, after talking with her through the years, it feels appropriate to call her “friend”.  We were talking about my sister; I’d asked her when she felt the tension between the two of us would subside.  As we talked, the subject my mother arose.  And, well, the only way to describe her response was shock.

Sometimes we forget how much has occurred in our lives.  We see ourselves in the vacuum of “today” and overlook how many roads we’ve traveled to get to the moment where we stand right now.  Like many, I am a survivor.  Rape was first attempted on me at the age of eight, but the molesting coercion ensued for about three months.  A woman who worked part-time at my school as a Learning Specialist saved me.  It’s a day that I have never forgotten.  In fact, a few years ago, I found her.  She remembered me, and the healing that occurred as we simply sat and talked was intense: she said that she, too, had always remembered me.  She hugged me and we cried together. I hold an enormous torch in my heart for her.

My mother, on the other hand, does not display these types of qualities; to this day, we don’t interact much.  The nicest way to present it is that we are opposites.  Trust me when I tell you that being born into a family that you feel disconnected from isn’t easy.  In fact, it is likely one of the most difficult blueprints of life.  My first memory of our different soul journey’s on the day described above:  when, at the age of eight, my school called my mother in alarm upon finding me in an inappropriate embrace with an adult man, she advised them that nothing had happened and instructed them not to call the police.  When my mother arrived at my school to find me in the principal’s office instead of inquiring to my wellbeing, she attempted to coax me into saying that nothing happened.  But, I knew that it had and I would not comply.  I can’t stress enough how much that moment has shaped me; that I was forced, and held myself with honor enough, to speak my truth as a child while collided with the unnerving realization that my mother would not, and could not, protect me.  I viewed her differently there forward.

People do many things for all different reasons, but the most basic understanding of psychology helps us know that most abnormal behavior stems from unresolved trauma:  Woman that prostitute themselves while their children play in the next room are acting out a trauma.  Woman that leave that allow drug dealers to baby their kids without connecting the danger of that environment, and potential, influence on their child, are acting out unresolved traumatic issues.  And, women that carry children to term without informing, including, or creating natal bond with their existing children, adult or otherwise, are also acting out whatever familial issues, that lay unresolved within them.  It took me a long time to realize that, with the story above and others, my mother was no different.

It took an equal amount of time to for me understand the aftermath and long-term effects such incidences can have on the witnessing child, adult or otherwise.  I was a highschool senior when I began to explore power in relationships and the methods and modes of survival, along with unpacking the trauma I mention above.  The effort it took, and continues to take, to fight depression and self-deprecation is a kin to holding on to a solid tree as the velocity of a storm unearths boulders down a mountain, and just staying in the knowing that it will pass.

It’s a battle.  And not the kind that ends.  It’s the kind of battle that bleeds into my having  to be okay with living apart from my mother and other members of my family.  To see that environment as toxic and decide to live my truth within a code that feels right to me – not so much moral, but rather spiritual, and different from them.  And,  I’ll continue to face this challenge.  But, it also drives me to want more.  It’s has inspired my love of yoga and meditation, for example, even if by force: they are daily tools that help and remind me to focus and center – they bring me back “in” and ground me.

It is only in the last few years that my mother was able to show emotion and apologize for denying my truth all these years, and, only in a therapist’s office – at my suggestion.  All my life I’ve wondered why I was given this mother, why I was placed in this family, who could I have been, given a different and more loving place.   And, like you, I searched for these answers.  Here’s what I have been told and now believe:  the tragic and trauma driven incidents that occurred and I witnessed as I grew up were put in place so that later I would gain empathy and be able to help people.  Today I undstand that this part of me creates my in herrent empathy for gay teens.  Today, I get it; it is the catalyst for the work I’ve done to help women with children getting out of prison.  It’s why I want to begin talking to young girls.  Now, it’s crystal clear: it is at the core of my intuitive ability to feel struggles of other.

Through all of it, my guides were there for me, appearing in dreams or visions, telling me it would be ok, showing me good things to come.  I heard famed UK psychic astrologer, Michelle Knight,  speak once, she has a similar story to mine; she said, she just kept imagining her life as a rainbow after a hard rain…  And, cliché as it may sound, that simple image as helped tremendously.

Love and hugs,
Hope
(I’ve always loved rainbows).

“No”ing You’re Psychic…

In my life, reading for people is not new, but reading for the general public is – very.  Generally speaking, I log on to the Keen website just about everyday.  People call; I give them answers.  And, probably because I’m on just about everyday, I speak some of the same people quite frequently.  Granted not all callers are frequent, but some are facing hard and confusing issues and they need guidance, or insight, or just a way of making sense of what is happening that they can’t control.   Some callers try to steer me in a direction toward the answer they want, and others hang up when they hear something negative that doesn’t line up with either what someone else said or what they desire to occur.

Before I began to pronounce that I could “read”, I think people just thought I was bossy, lol.  As I grew up spirits came to me – mostly in dreams – to tell me what would happen in life.  I was a kid, so I was never overwhelmed with adult issues, although I was the kind of kid that was a “little adult”.  They would tell me who was going to be pregnant, who who was coming to visit.  And they would also steer me – guide me – away from bad people and situations.

As a child, as I lay down to sleep each night, I would close my eyes and immediately sit beneath a very large tree with huge sloping branches and a swing.  (What I now understand to be) My guides would swing me back and forth until I feel asleep.  Then they would show me things in my dreams.

In my jr high and teenage years, my psychic ability became a camp novelty: who liked who, who said what about who.  Not everybody knew about me, but those who did began asking me some serious questions around age 13.  I also read palms back then, and that was a big hit at parties.  Much later, though, as an adult, I met a man named Paul Selig, who I consider a master psychic, and who helped me understand my ability and how to hone it.  With Paul, I began to realize that I see pictures when I am speaking to people; all I have to do is give them the interpretation of the picture in my mind and that will have meaning for them.  Thats how my ability works.  Well, that, and also guides come through to give me information or I am able to pick up on the caller physically (hair, eyes, body) and I began to get impressions about them.

Yesterday, for example, a woman called that I had never spoken to before.  She wanted to know about a new house – would she buy a new house.  Right away, an older woman appeared, whom I described.  The woman I saw in my minds eye, appeared in a white gown, which I interpret as a symbol that she acts as a guide for the woman calling. The woman in my minds eye then made a gesture (which I can no longer recall) that indicated to me that she was from the male (fathers) side.  The woman calling verified that this description sounded like her grandmother on her fathers side. The woman in my minds eye then showed me brick, a living room through a window, a back yard, and an apartment complex environment – the series of pictures ended with the backyard and a party like scenario.  I then asked the caller if she lived in a brick house.  She did.   I asked if it was attached. Yes, she said.  I explained to her that I felt it was important to her to have a back yard, to entertain.  I explained, that I felt that was a true hearts desire.  Yes, yes, yes, she exclaimed and we went on to talk for an hour as information kept coming through for her via her grandmother guide.

Later that day, the call stayed with me, which is far from normal – as almost a general rule, I will forget the content of the conversation in minutes, as it isn’t relevant to my life and has nothing to do with me.  But, this time I thought about other instances when I was able to see rooms, or homes: When Paul moved to the village and I said, “Oh, its it a second floor with a big curved window at the front, tall white walls and almost feels loftish?”  Thats it, he said, you’re here.  Or, when my friend in NJ told me about house shopping and I said “Was that the yellow house on the hill in the cul de sac?  You’re husband won’t like it; nice on the outside, but issues”.  They went forward on the house and stopped the deal when they found out the sewer was backed up and would be a multi thousand dollar repair.

Listen, I promise, I am not zooming into outer space and hovering over these places.  I am simply getting impressions – pictures – and relaying the meaning.

Unfortuately, (for them), my family has never supported my psychic ability.  Its ironic, because it is a known fact that my great-grandmother was the medicine woman in her village in Manchester, Jamaica.  (I like to say that the “Medicine Woman” could tell you when you were having a baby and which one you made it with! (Caribbean humor).   It is also known in my family that my mother worked on psychic hotlines while she was in school when I was young.  Everyone knows my mothers obsession with reading playing cards, to boot.  Now, I also read playing cards with phone callers – mostly because its a fast way to get information.  But, for some reason, in my family, when it comes to me, my abilities are poo-pooed

So it was no surprise that my Aunt responded the way she did the last time I picked up information about her: My Aunt told me about a new boyfriend and I saw the word “wife”, and a symbol that indicated the relationship would have trouble, I said “Auntie, ask him about his wife.  She’s a troublemaker, but it might not be entirely her fault.”  Instead of hearing me, my Aunt called the new boyfriend in front of me and said in a jokingly defiant tone (ok smurkingly):

“My niece thinks she psychic!  She said ask about your Wife!  ha-ha!”.
The man on the phone said “Why would she say that?”
“She thinks she’s psychic!”, my Aunt said.
Then they spoke  in hushed tones until my Aunt hung up the phone.

She stared at me with a look I couldn’t read. “Was i wrong?”, I asked.  No, she sounded annoyed, “His wife is bipolar. She needs a lot of attention and still relies on him even though they are divorced”.  Oh…  That was all I could say. (But I was thinking “told ya”).  The relationship between them failed.

However, my question (to my Aunt) was, and still is, why would you doubt me?  Did I not tell you you when, and that, you were having a boy child when I was only 15?

I’d say its a pretty good thing I gotten to know myself…

Best and hugs,
Hope Beyond Karma

Jelly

This morning a woman I work closely with posted an Instagram photo of her vacation location somewhere in beautiful Saint Thomas.  In response, she received a comment: “Jelly”.  I mean who can blame the commenter?  A secluded beach is one of the most fantastic vacation experiences one can muster – well, that and a relaxing stroll down the Champs-Élysées.

But, when I saw the comment, I thought instantly of the times when I couldn’t find appreciation for the circumstances of others.  For example, when someone I love got married, or someone I love found love, and I was without those things, it was hard and painful for me to witness.  I would be jealous.  Just plain, out right, envious of them.  It took a lot of soul searching, and the advise of a very spiritual friend, to realize what I was doing energetically when allowed my self to entertain those thoughts; in short, when you entertain envy, you block positivity.

It all became clear when my younger sister got pregnant: I was both elated, and oddly heart broken.  It was hard to figure out my emotions.  While, on the one hand I was so happy about the birth of a new baby, on the other I was completely deflated by the idea that my (much) younger sister was entering the job of motherhood before, and without me.  I wanted a baby.  I wanted to carry, love, care for, and mother a child.  And it wasn’t my turn.  And, (man o man), I was jelly.  But, thankfully, with the help of my friend, instead of an obstacle, my feelings provided a learning experience.

Let me first say that my friend is a master psychic and just appeared on Dr. Oz (you go friend), what he helped me see that I was jealous because I was afraid I wouldn’t get what I wanted  – and there in lies the problem:  when I felt the jealous tinges, it was because I wasn’t trusting the universe to provide my deepest wishes:  Hence, in short, I wasn’t trusting Gods plan for my life.

I think of God and the universe as one in the same.  When I say “God” I don’t mean some man up in the clouds, I mean the same life force that created the trees, that soars new buds into amazing blooms.  I mean the energy that moves tides in tandem with the moon.  So, if I believe all these things, how could I not believe that my life is also on purpose?  This is the test of faith.  And, faith requires patience.  And I am notoriously the most impatient person that ever lived (or one of them), so this was not an easy task.  But honestly, once I understood how this law worked, I changed my outlook.

Being psychic in no way negates my own personal growth.  I mess up, piss people off, get pissed off, and, a times, have to grapple with jealousy.  But, these days, instead of thinking “ugh.  Are you kidding?  Her? Not me?  When is it my turn??”  I let myself imagine how wonderful it will be when my niece and my child play and grow up together.  I revel knowing that they will hold hands as kids, and will be buddies throughout their lives.  I talk to my baby, because I trust in the universal power that I wouldn’t feel him if he weren’t on the way.  My feelings are my affirmation instead of a grudge.

Guess which approach leaves me feeling trust, knowing, happy and anticipating…?
Now… tell me again… how do we manifest the things we want?

Love and hugs,
Hope Beondkarma
keen.com/beyondkarma