This morning a woman I work closely with posted an Instagram photo of her vacation location somewhere in beautiful Saint Thomas.  In response, she received a comment: “Jelly”.  I mean who can blame the commenter?  A secluded beach is one of the most fantastic vacation experiences one can muster – well, that and a relaxing stroll down the Champs-Élysées.

But, when I saw the comment, I thought instantly of the times when I couldn’t find appreciation for the circumstances of others.  For example, when someone I love got married, or someone I love found love, and I was without those things, it was hard and painful for me to witness.  I would be jealous.  Just plain, out right, envious of them.  It took a lot of soul searching, and the advise of a very spiritual friend, to realize what I was doing energetically when allowed my self to entertain those thoughts; in short, when you entertain envy, you block positivity.

It all became clear when my younger sister got pregnant: I was both elated, and oddly heart broken.  It was hard to figure out my emotions.  While, on the one hand I was so happy about the birth of a new baby, on the other I was completely deflated by the idea that my (much) younger sister was entering the job of motherhood before, and without me.  I wanted a baby.  I wanted to carry, love, care for, and mother a child.  And it wasn’t my turn.  And, (man o man), I was jelly.  But, thankfully, with the help of my friend, instead of an obstacle, my feelings provided a learning experience.

Let me first say that my friend is a master psychic and just appeared on Dr. Oz (you go friend), what he helped me see that I was jealous because I was afraid I wouldn’t get what I wanted  – and there in lies the problem:  when I felt the jealous tinges, it was because I wasn’t trusting the universe to provide my deepest wishes:  Hence, in short, I wasn’t trusting Gods plan for my life.

I think of God and the universe as one in the same.  When I say “God” I don’t mean some man up in the clouds, I mean the same life force that created the trees, that soars new buds into amazing blooms.  I mean the energy that moves tides in tandem with the moon.  So, if I believe all these things, how could I not believe that my life is also on purpose?  This is the test of faith.  And, faith requires patience.  And I am notoriously the most impatient person that ever lived (or one of them), so this was not an easy task.  But honestly, once I understood how this law worked, I changed my outlook.

Being psychic in no way negates my own personal growth.  I mess up, piss people off, get pissed off, and, a times, have to grapple with jealousy.  But, these days, instead of thinking “ugh.  Are you kidding?  Her? Not me?  When is it my turn??”  I let myself imagine how wonderful it will be when my niece and my child play and grow up together.  I revel knowing that they will hold hands as kids, and will be buddies throughout their lives.  I talk to my baby, because I trust in the universal power that I wouldn’t feel him if he weren’t on the way.  My feelings are my affirmation instead of a grudge.

Guess which approach leaves me feeling trust, knowing, happy and anticipating…?
Now… tell me again… how do we manifest the things we want?

Love and hugs,
Hope Beondkarma


2 thoughts on “Jelly

  1. Pingback: “No”ing You’re Psychic… | Twin Flame? Or Just a Game??

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